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A Parenting Book that Makes Me Happy to be a Mom – Finally!

About  a week ago, I received a copy of comedian Elizabeth Beckwith’s spoof  on parenting book Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation from HarperCollins. I normally don’t read parenting books because I’ve been burnt by them in the past, but I burst out laughing just at the title and cover alone.  It reminded me so much of my Anne Taintor, one of my favorite modern artists.  Both Taintor and Beckwith’s irreverent look at life is more representative of reality and emotionally supportive than what I find in most pregnancy and parenting books. Sometimes laughter can bring perspective and that can be a parent’s most useful tool.

I am so over the seemingly endless supply of oh-so-serious books on growing, birthing, and raising children.  I’ve found that I leave those books feeling guilty and inadequate, especially those I read about childbirth and breast feeding.  I decided to no longer read them.  A prime example of this was when Allison was extremely colicky.  After days and days of trying whatever I could think of help her, I was at the point where I wanted to jump out the window.  I put her in her crib and picked up a book on breast feeding and caring for infants published by a pro-breast feeding organization.  In it I found the tiniest of sections about the subject.  I wish I had chucked the book against the wall as soon as I read the first line in that section.  It went something like this: “I’ve never raised a baby with colic, but… ”  In the end it basically said, “Don’t put your baby in the crib and walk away.  What if the very next thing you try is the thing brings your baby the comfort needed?” Talk about guilt and manipulation!  How could it possibly be beneficial for my children to bring them up when I feel that way?

While I’m sure that it is never the intent of the author, I truly believe that some of those pregnancy and parenting books do more harm than good.  There are those in which the agenda becomes more important than the individual.  This is not the case with Raising the Perfect Child Through Guilt and Manipulation.  I just knew that it would be right up my alley when I read the prologue about her childhood and how her parents raised her. As a mother of daughters 5 and 7, I can take it all to heart.  The scene where Elizabeth’s father talks her out of a trip to Mexico without forbidding her to go gives me hope of making it through my daughter’s teen years.  I wish I had the moxie to put my thoughts about parenting on paper like Elizabeth Beckwith has.  Reading through it I am reminded of a pregnancy book, The Girlfriends’ Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine. I wish I had read that book instead of the over-earnest crunchy-granola books that I did read at the time.  I would have come out emotionally stronger and better prepared for my life as a mother.

I haven’t finished reading this book yet, but after laughing my way through the first three chapters (and bits and pieces of the rest), I feel so much better about myself and my parenting. While guilt and manipulation may work to make your children behave better (ha!), Elizabeth realizes that it doesn’t do much at all for parents.  There is no need to feel miserable in the most important role of one’s life.  When it comes to parenting, I’m definitely on Team Beckwith.

#178 ~ First Comes Love, Then Comes Malaria

First Comes Love, Then Comes Malaria: How a Peace Corps Poster Boy Won My Heart and a Third World Adventure Changed My Life by Eve Brown-Waite

I enjoy reading memoirs from time to time.  It’s a nice break from the norm and, typically, the person writing the memoir has had an eventful, if not sad, life story to tell.  The first memoir I wrote about was A Girl Named Zippy, which was a wonderful story of growing up in the Midwest.  Although not everything smelled of roses for Zippy, her memoir is full of humor and is heartwarming.  I read The Glass Castle shortly thereafter.  Although Jeannette Wall’s life had a good deal of hardship, there was a touch of humor to it.  You could tell that she didn’t take herself terribly seriously.  The other memoirs I’ve read and reviewed here are more brooding, such as The Mistress’s Daughter and Without a Map.  They may not have had the humor of the others, but they provided insight and were cathartic for the author.  First Comes Love, Then Comes Malaria most definitely falls into the first category.  Eve Brown-Waite tells of her struggle to marry the man of her dreams while taking a bite out of third world hardship is a hilarious, delightful, and hopeful read.

As a young adult, Eve seemed to live her life based upon declarations she had made.  At one point she announced that she would join the Peace Corps.  It’s not that she didn’t think that the Peace Corps performed a great deal of good work, but she ultimately makes the appointment to see the recruiter because she said that she was going to join and she didn’t want to look like a wimp.  What she doesn’t foresee is that she would fall in love with her recruiter and not want to leave him for two years.  The kicker is that it would be darn difficult to impress John, the Peace Corps poster boy, by chickening out of what brought them together in the first place.  Besides, being clingy would be a sure way to lose him.  So, off to Ecuador she went full of misgivings about her future with John. The road to destiny was a rough one, which the author mostly remembers with a smile.  There would be no memoir had they not ended up together, but the best part is the way that Eve writes about herself.  She is self-deprecating and continually second guesses herself, but the reader is able to catch of glimpse of the woman John met.  We knew that he wouldn’t be able to live without her, either.  What other woman would pack up and move with him to perhaps the most desolate and unsafe part of Uganda? While there, Eve is secure in her relationship with her husband, but getting a handle on life in Africa provided a new sort of insecurity.   She isn’t a natural housewife, but she doesn’t believe that she’ll be strictly a housewife for long.  Her background in AIDS prevention in the United States was a gift waiting to be opened in Uganda, or so she believed.  The people and organizations in Uganda didn’t see her as the gallant knight riding in with the answers she needed. What she found out that for the most part she was in Uganda to learn, not to teach.

Throughout this memoir, Eve’s style and sense of humor made exploring some less than exotic regions meaningful.  She clearly illustrated that people might live and play within very different cultures, but that humans were more alike than different, be they from South America, North America, or Africa.  There is, however, one notable exception (full disclosure – Literate Housewife is nearly 75% Dutch):

“I’d come to prefer the pilots who were Dutch, like Coby.  She was competent and full of common sense, which I’d come to think of as a Dutch trait.” ~ pg. 148

“I envied Coby’s lean, athletic body and had begun to think of her natural athleticism as another Dutch trait. Right up there with cheery competence and a fondness for cheese.” ~ pg. 162

In these two sections, she quite eloquently said what Egbert Dodde, my wise yet not quite so eloquent grandfather has taught me since birth:

“If you ain’t Dutch, you ain’t much.”

He also often said that there were two types of people in this world: Doddes and those who only wish they could be Doddes – but that’s a whole other story.  Now that I think about it, I don’t remember the author mentioning anything about how naturally modest and humble the Dutch are. That’s curious.  I’m sure it’s in there some where…

In all seriousness, I do have a fondness for cheese. Can you tell that I had so much fun with this memoir?

In First Comes Love, Then Comes Malaria, Eve Brown-Waite shares about life and her experiences in other countries with humor and honesty.  Never once does she get preachy or self-righteous.  She doesn’t paint Peace Corps volunteers or others from the outside working in the Third World amazingly selfless heroes or holier than thou saints.  They are human beings who simply feel called to do what they do, no differently than the teacher, dentist, or computer programmer next door.  Nor does she write about those living in the Third World as simply victims of tyrannical governments or uncivilized heathens.  Everyone was well-rounded and flawed.  No one saved anyone, yet everyone saved each other. Eve was leading the charge and I loved her for it. You will, too.  This is a perfect memoir to read this summer.

******

To read this memoir, click here.

#176 ~ 84, Charing Cross Road

84, Charing Cross Road by Helene Hanff

84, Charing Cross Road has to be one of the most charming books I’ve read in a long time.  It also showed me how I assume almost everything I read is fiction.  It took me about a quarter of the book to think: “The American has the same name as the author.”  This book is a compilation of actual letters written between Helene, a starving American writer who loves high quality (read not American) used books, and the staff of the Marks & Co., Booksellers at 84, Charing Cross Road in London, England.  While a majority of the correspondence is between Helene and Frank Doel, a couple of his co-workers write to her on the sly.  Eventually, even his wife end up writing to Helene.  This relationship spans 40 years and is a testament to the friendships that can be made through the love of books.

This book, at just a scant 97 pages, was a quick read.  I bought it around lunch time on a Saturday afternoon and had it finished before dinner -  including time out for the family.  I loved the life and humor in the letters.  I loved the distinction between American ways of communicating and the more traditional and formal British.  Helene’s constant good-natured ribbing of Frank was so delightful.  Clearly Helene takes after my Dad’s family – they only tease the people they like.  The best example occurs after Frank inquires as to whether Helene would like him to send her a particular volume.  He was inclined to ask because she is on a tight budget, doesn’t much care for first editions, and she hadn’t previously requested it.  Here is Helene’s response:

he has a first edition of Newman’s University for six bucks, do i want it, he asks innocently.

Dear Frank:

Yes, I want it.  I won’t be fit to live with myself. I’ve never cared about first editions per se, but a first edition of THAT book –!

oh my.

i can just see it.

As with The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, this book highlighted the lost art of letters.  Just because we can now almost instantaneously communicate with nearly everyone around the world whenever we want to, it doesn’t mean that we haven’t lost something.  Today, I can email, text, or leave a comment on Facebook 24/7.  Because it takes so little effort, there is something lacking.  When all communication took days and weeks to arrive, I think people were more attentive to what they wrote.  They put more of themselves into the process.  I don’t need to take the time to be sure I’ve included everything anymore because following up is just another click away.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to receive emails, etc.  I always will.  They will never, however, replace a hand written or even typed letter.

I cannot say enough about 84, Charing Cross Road.  I so appreciate that Helene and the staff at Marks & Co. consented to publishing the letters.  As with The Uncommon Reader, this book is a tribute to readers everywhere. Although these letters began shortly after the end of World War II, the love of books and the kinship between book lovers is universal and timeless. This book is a treasure worthy of owning and reading repeatedly.

+++++

Slightly off topic: I attempted to buy this book the last time I was at a large, chain bookseller.  I couldn’t remember the author’s name, but I remembered the title.  After waiting 10-ish minutes at the Customer Service desk, they were unable to find the book in their database.  I had them try “84 Charing Cross Road” and “82 Charing Cross Road” (they made me second guess myself).  By the time we were both ready to give up, it was too late for me to wait again in line to purchase a book anyway.  After the kids went to bed that evening, I typed “Charing Cross Road” in to the same bookseller’s website.  First item returned? The movie.  The second item returned? The book.  Why in the world would a company make the in-store database so picky (only reason I can figure that they wouldn’t have found the book) while the website is so robust?  If I worked there I would be on the website.  Even then, how could a person working in a bookstore not know about this book????  Snarky, I know.  The proprietor at Printer’s Ink, my new favorite independent bookstore, didn’t know what I was talking about either.  Tsk. Tsk.

******

To buy this book, click here
.

Magic, Religion, and Science Since 1400

After reading my Q&A with Thomas Robisheaux, Professor of History at Duke University, Devourer of Books asked if he could make a reading list available for his favorite course to teach, MAGIC, RELIGION AND SCIENCE SINCE 1400.  Tom sent me the syllabus for Spring 2009 and I thought that I would share it with all of you.  Along with the course description and reading list, I’m including a picture of him researching The Last Witch of Langenburg at Neuenstein Castle in Germany.  Enjoy!

HISTORY 147
MAGIC, RELIGION AND SCIENCE SINCE 1400
Spring 2009

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim too high and falling short; but in setting our aim too low, and achieving our mark.” —Michelangelo

Why is magic forbidden or derided, and yet pervasive in western culture?   What claims does religion make about knowing the invisible world?   Why does scientific knowledge awe us, and dominate western knowledge?

This course charts the relationships between these three ways of knowing in western culture—the  magical, the religious, and the scientific—and their mutual dependence upon each other.    The large issues of the course flow from the de-legitimizing of magic and setting narrow limits to valid religious knowledge during the Scientific Revolution and the Enlightenment.  This long, complex process of establishing science as the touchstone of valid knowledge about nature and human society will frame our exploration of several topics, including: Renaissance naturalism and the occult sciences, witchcraft and witch hunting, the Scientific Revolution, Christianity and Enlightenment rationalism, mesmerism, nineteenth-century Spiritualism, Darwinism and Christianity, the psychologizing of magic and religion in the modern world, psychical research and parapsychology, modern film and the supernatural, the “new religious movements” of the 1960s, the skeptical movement, modern occultism, and the satanic panics of the 1980s and 1990s.

Each unit explores the limits of what is, at any given time, considered knowable, the power religious, magical and scientific ways of knowing create, and the dangers of going too far.   This is a course about the ways we as westerners move into and out of the visible and the invisible worlds, and what happens when those worlds cross in unexpected ways.   The approach in lectures is historical, but course materials draw on works from anthropology, comparative religion, film studies, the history of science, literature, and psychology.

READING LIST:

Dan Burton and David Grandy, Magic, Mystery, and Science: The Occult in Western Civilization
David C. Lindberg and Ronald L. Numbers, eds, When Science and Christianity Meet
Armand M. Nicoli, The Question of God: C.S. Lewis and Sigmund Freud Debate God, Love, Sex, and the Meaning of Life
Thomas Robisheaux, The Last Witch of Langenburg
Stephen Shapin, The Scientific Revolution
Lawrence Wright, Remembering Satan

#153 ~ The Last Witch of Langenburg

The Last Witch of Langenburg: Murder in a German Village by Thomas Robisheaux

I don’t typically read a great deal of non-fiction.  I most often read for pleasure and my choice is almost always fiction.  I was excited, however, to receive an offer from W. W. Norton to read this book.  I’ve been interested in European witch trials ever since I read The Witch’s Trinity by Erika Mailman.  I could not pass up the opportunity to read about German witch trials from a historian’s perspective.  The Last Witch of Langenburg concentrates on the witch trial of Anna Schmieg. She is an older woman and the wife of the local miller.  She is arrested on suspicion of witchcraft after the death of Anna Fessler, the friend of Schmieg’s daughter Eva.  Fessler had still been recovering from childbirth when Eva brought the Fessler family some of the Shrove Tuesday cakes Schmieg had baked. When Anna Fessler died later than night, Anna Schmieg was the prime suspect.  The structure of the book and the writing kept the story interesting while making it much more dramatic than I had anticipated.

Thomas Robisheuax, a Professor of History at Duke University, constructed his book in such a way as to first highlight the basic facts surrounding the death of Anna Fessler and the arrests of Anna Schmeig and her daughter Eva.  After explaining the circumstances that directly surrounded thoses events, Robisheaux explores the social, economic, political and religous history of Langenburg and its residents. He provides insight into the experiences of the townspeople as well as background information on the key investigators and government officials who played a role in establishing order in Langenburg or who participated in Anna Schmieg’s trial.  I found these sections of the book as interesting as the more dramatic sections that related directly to Anna.  Far from being hysterical, the government did its best to proceed carefully and thoughtfully in order to provide both Annas – the victim and the accused – with fair and level-headed justice. 

Although a work of non-fiction, The Last Witch of Langenburg kept me guessing how things would turn out for Anna Schmieg, her family, and her villiage.  As Robisheaux detailed the elements that would impact Anna Schmieg’s circumstances the evidence used during her trial, I kept a mental tally of that which worked in Anna’s favor and that which did not.  Even still, I was unsure of what the ultimate outcome would be either with a conviction or without one.  The government procedures and the thought processes of the local officials were as important and influential to what happened in Langenburg as Anna Schmieg’s relationships with her daughter, her husband, and her neighbors.  This remained with me after I finished the book.  To an extent, all of the players in this drama were a product of their culture and the history of their region.  Even if they were aware of this, they could not separated from it.  How true is that of us today?  Is it possible to have a complete understanding of modern events while being an active participant in modern life?

The Last Witch of Langenburg, like the best historical fiction, left me wanting more.  While the author provided generous amounts of detail surrounding the events of Anna Schmieg’s trial, I was intrigued by so much more.  The sections that discussed the role of the villiage executioner, the way in which religion, philosophy, and the 30 Year’s War impacted the thought processes of the local officials, and the impact that a family’s livelihood had on the family’s treatment within the villiage stood out for me.  As much as society has changed since the 1670s, much is still the same.  Relationships between husband and wife and mother and daughter are universal.  If you fast forward 340 years and change the crime, the tale of the Schmieg family could just as easily be the plot of a modern book or movie.  The subject matter, the construction of the information, and the writing style held my interest from the beginning.  I learned a great deal about life in 17th century Germany while enjoying every moment I spent with the book.  If you are interested in German history, witch trials, or life in 17th century Europe, I highly recommend The Last Witch of Langenburg. You don’t have to be a historian to find this book fascinating.

++++++++

For more information about Thomas Robisheaux and The Last Witch of Langenburg, be sure to check out my interview with the author.

**********

To buy this book, click here.

#149 ~ Rubies in the Orchard

Rubies in the Orchard: How to Uncover the Hidden Gems in Your Business by Lynda Resnick

Sometimes things come together in a cosmic reality type of way.  One Thursday, I was watching The View and Barbara Walters held up a copy of Rubies in the Orchard and talked about Lynda Resnick’s book about finding the intrinsic value in your product and then being true to it in your branding and marketing.  I thought it was an interesting cover (I know, dont’ judge… blah, blah, blah) and wrote the name of the book an author down, because I was interested in learning more about branding.  Ever since deciding to have my blog professionally designed, I’ve given that topic a lot of thought. However, not being in the marketing or publicity business myself, I didn’t know much more than it was a good idea to have and use consistent imaging.  Not more than a few hours later, I received an email from Lynda Resnick’s staff.  It provided more information on the book and asked me if I would like to review it.  Holy kismit, pomegranate!  Yes.

When the book arrived in the mail,  I devoured it in a single sitting on a cold, dreary Saturday while my daughters played and skated at the local rink.  This book is a combination between an innovative business woman’s memoir and a practical guide to using branding to your product’s advantage based upon the lessons and triumphs Resnick has experienced.  I enjoyed this book on both levels.  I had never heard of Lynda Resnick before that day, but I have heard of many of her companies, including the Franklin Mint, Teleflora and Fiji Water.  Living in a small Southern town that would not really be part of a major ad campaign, I had not heard of her latest passion, POM Wonderful.  I can’t wait to try it as soon as I can get over to the health food store.  It was really interesting to learn about how she and her husband came to lead these companies and the changes they made.  

I was especially intersted in what they did with Fiji Water.  After doing a great deal of research, they simply made a  change to the labeling on the bottle to provide a little education on the product and make it more attractive to the eye.  It wasn’t long before they were getting free advertising when celebrities were photographed drinking it.  Resnick went on to say that they never pay for celebrity endorsements.  Citing Pizza Hut’s debacle with Jessica Simpson, paying a celebrity can put your product in the spotlight, but if it’s ever discovered that the person does not actually use your product, the cost to resesitate your brand is exponential.

What I have taken away from this book personally is the concept of maximizing your brand by focusing on its intrinsic value.  This concept is more readily applicable to a physical product, but for me it means to focus my blog on what is important to me.  What I haven’t done a great deal of in the past is put a great deal of thought and planning into my blog.  From its very beginning, it came about somewhat on a whim.  I am going to work on a plan for my blog going forward and focus on what is uniquely me.

Rubies in the Orchard is an enjoyble look at how one woman, without a degree, used her common  sense and the lessons she learned throughout her career to make a success of her companies and her life.  It was an engaging and inspiring.  Lynda Resnick has led an incredible life and has earned her success.  I would love to be able to sit down at lunch with her and her friends and just listen to them talk about what they’ve learned in this life. If you have any interest in business, branding, or reading about a strong woman taking charge of her life and her career, this is one book you won’t want to pass up.

*******

To buy this book, click here.

+++++++

Here are some other articles about Lynda Resnick and Rubies in the Orchard:

Related articles by Zemanta

• Lynda Resnick on Charlie Rose by dylan (800ceoread.com)
• Jack Covert Selects – Rubies in the Orchard by 800-CEO-READ (800ceoread.com)
• Lynda Resnick: The Unwarranted Talk About Warren (huffingtonpost.com)

Hail to the Chief Giveaway

Happy President’s Day!  I am lucky enough to be off for the day.  If you’re not (or even if you are), here’s a giveaway of three books from HarperCollins to bring a little presidential perspective. Contest rules and information are at the end of the post.  I hope you find these books as interesting as I do:

War and Decision:

Inside the Pentagon at the Dawn of the War on Terrorism by Douglas J. Feith

From HarperCollins: In War and Decision, former Pentagon policy chief Douglas J. Feith puts readers in the room with President Bush, Vice President Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice, and others as they considered how to prevent another 9/11. Drawing on thousands of previously undisclosed written sources, Feith offers the first inside view of these events as they unfolded. Through vivid narrative, frank analysis, and elegant writing, his account forever changes our understanding of this challenging era.

Feith’s account is a must-read for anyone interested in the history of the Iraq war or how the United States got organized to combat Islamist terrorism.  It is also indispensible for anyone interested in the way our government makes decisions.  It brilliantly analyzes the way grand strategy was created, debated and implemented.  It reveals how interagency policy is made – and candidly explains the flaws as well as the strengths of the Bush administration’s work.  It explores the lolng-standing tensions between the State and Defense Departments and the challenges of civil-military relations in wartime.

War and Decision upends the conventional wisdom about the origins of the Iraq war, the pre-war intelligence and postwar planning.  It brilliantly examines the workings of the U.S. government, but it is a lively narrative.  It will be used for decades by historians, but it will surely also be used in the coming days by the policy makers in the Obama administration.

God in the White House:

How Faith Shaped the Presidency from John F. Kennedy to George W. Bush by Randall Balmer

From HarperCollins: How did we go from John F. Kennedy declaring that religion should play no role in the elections to Bush saying, “I believe that God wants me to be president”?

Historian Randall Balmer takes us on a tour of presidential religiosity in the last half of the twentieth century—from Kennedy’s 1960 speech that proposed an almost absolute wall between American political and religious life to the soft religiosity of Lyndon B. Johnson’s Great Society; from Richard Nixon’s manipulation of religion to fit his own needs to Gerald Ford’s quiet stoicism; from Jimmy Carter’s introduction of evangelicalism into the mainstream to Ronald Reagan’s co-option of the same group; from Bill Clinton’s covert way of turning religion into a non-issue to George W. Bush’s overt Christian messages, Balmer reveals the role religion has played in the personal and political lives of these American presidents.

Americans were once content to disregard religion as a criterion for voting, as in most of the modern presidential elections before Jimmy Carter.But today’s voters have come to expect candidates to fully disclose their religious views and to deeply illustrate their personal relationship to the Almighty. God in the White House explores the paradox of Americans’ expectation that presidents should simultaneously trumpet their religious views and relationship to God while supporting the separation of church and state. Balmer tells the story of the politicization of religion in the last half of the twentieth century, as well as the “religionization” of our politics. He reflects on the implications of this shift, which have reverberated in both our religious and political worlds, and offers a new lens through which to see not only these extraordinary individuals, but also our current political situation.

In Defense of Our America:

The Fight for Civil Liberties  in the Age of Terror by Anthony D. Romero

From HarperCollins: Executive Director of the ACLU Anthony D. Romero and award-winning journalist Dina Temple-Raston present stories of real Americans at the front lines of the fight for civil liberties at a time when our most basic rights are being challenged. From the story of “American Taliban” John Walker Lindh to the battle against the National Security Agency’s warrantless spying program, and from a movement in Pennsylvania to force religion into the public school science curriculum to the case of Matthew Limon, a gay teenager sentenced to seventeen years in prison for having consensual oral sex with another teenage boy in Kansas, In Defense of Our America offers readers an eye-opening look at the dangerous erosion of rights in the post-9/11 age of terror and chronicles the courageous ongoing struggle of ordinary Americans to preserve our hard-won constitutional freedoms.

How Do I Enter This Contest?

1) Leave a comment indicating the book you would like to win.  There will be a different winner for each book.  Leave two or three comments if you want a chance more than one of the books.  Make sure to provide a valid email when you leave your comment(s) so I know how to contact you.

2) Twitter or mention this contest in a post for another chance (one tweet or post will add a chance for each book you request – no need to do that more than once).

3) I will use the List Randomizer to draw the winner for each book on Monday, February 23.

GOOD LUCK!!!!

#17 ~ Leave Me Alone, I’m Reading

Leave Me Alone, I’m Reading: Finding and Losing Myself in Books by Maureen Corrigan

I cannot say enough about this book. Although my posts here will not show it, I am so inspired to keep reading and to develop my skills as a book reviewer. The first section of this book, which deals with female extreme adventure novels, is absolutely brilliant. The sections on hard boiled detective and Catholic secular martyr novels were interesting and I think that I would have enjoyed them more had I not been reading them during the days of the Virginia Tech Massacre and its aftermath. Maureen mentions how people use books to escape from their lives or as a defense mechanism in uncertain times. I agree with her. Unfortunately, this book didn’t really work for me. This is not her fault. Once my challenge is over, I plan to reread this book and further explore Jane Austen and Charlotte Bronte.

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